Thats the Last Time I Patron this Dollar Store

This one needs a hint of back story:
Lets begin with the fact that I like male gynecologists so much more than female. (yeah I just dove right into that subject) I mean I feel like the females are just “over it” and the males are just so much more excited about their work. Its like the difference between cats and dogs. 

Well my doctor lets me do whatever I want. Like the time when I told him I wanted to get rid of my stretch marks, and he told me I should just go tanning (yes that’s right my doctor told me to go tanning). Well when I asked him about what birth control I should use he gave me Lybrel.  This magic pills keeps you from getting your period, ALL YEAR LONG. You won’t get your period 12 times a year, or 4 times a year, not one time a year. You NEVER GET YOUR PERIOD. When I voiced my concern about the safety of this he said “it’s perfectly fine, if men had their periods this would have been invented hundreds of years ago,” Touche. Now since I do not get my period ever the doctor recommended I take a home pregnancy text every now and again to check. If you’ve ben around the “family planning” isle at the pharmacy you will see these things cost about 15 dollars a pop. Now, everyone knows the economy is tight right now so I was looking to save some cash and I had heard that you can get pregnancy tests at the dollar store. It just so happens I chose the wrong dollar store.

So it’s a fine spring day and I decided to check out the new dollar store. I walk in and I was taken aback to find that they have everything! Garnier Shampoo, Jergens lotions, Q-tip brand Q-tips, (these are things that are not frequently at dollar stores). They usually have imitation brand Q-tips called “O-tips” or something. So I’m like a kid in a candy store and I’m filling up my basket and I think “hmm they might have my pregnancy tests”. I couldn’t find them in any of the isles so I go to ask. The owner is a middle aged woman who is walking around very chipper and excited. She comes over and says “how can I help you”? I mirror her happy tone when I ask “Hi, do you have any pregnancy tests?” This lady stopped dead in her tracks and her face goes pale as if I just told her that her beloved cat Whiskers just died. Then and she looks at my stomach and looks at my face then back at my stomach, she sighs in disappointment and says: “oh no hon I’m so sorry we don’t have any here I think they have some next door, why don’t you go next door”. What?!?! I’m very uncomfortable now, I mean I was in work clothes and I was wearing my wedding ring, I didn’t think I looked too depressing it’s not like I showed up in my old high school uniform. She is looking at me like I was asking her to personally facilitate an abortion. Then she asks me:  ”Are you OK?” I say “yeah I’m fine” Then she asks: “Is this a happy pregnancy or an un-happy pregnancy?” (I didn’t realize I was going on Dr Phil when I decided to go to the dollar store). I didn’t fell like explaining to her the whole Lybrel thing and that I’m not actually pregnant I just need to check.So I just say “ummm happy”. Then her face lights up ” Oh great, what do you need a test for you should just wait ‘till the end of the month and just have fun while you can”. (What?) Then she asks “is this your first baby”? I said ” no I have a baby at home”. She said “oh how great” Then she said “oh you might as well have more babies now before you lose the baby weight” Yeah, that’s right she told me that I Hadn’t lost my baby weight. Are you kidding me?!? I don’t know you, why you all up in my bi’nass? At this point I just wanted to run out of the store but she was in the middle of ringing up my Jergens gradual tan lotion. It was the most awkward interaction of my life. Needless to say I will not be going to back to that dollar store ever again. Looks like I’m stuck with my good old O-tips