This weekend my husband and I found out we would be the proud parents of not one, but two more girls. That’s right, I’m having lady twins and the anxiety is starting to kick in. I don’t have any sisters, my husband has one sister, and my mother is the only girl. I grew up with three brothers and now somehow I’m supposed to manage three girls - what am I, A Kardashian?
I’m nervous. I’ve only recently been comfortable with the idea of raising one strong, intelligent confident woman but now I’m responsible for three! How do I do it? I don’t know how this works. How do they fight? How do I make sure they aren’t insecure? How do I make sure they don’t date terrible people? How? How? How?? Let’s not even begin to think about how to keep them from strangers and predators.
My anxiety is definitely starting to show. Just the other day my mother said, “Ali looks so beautiful with her hair back.” I almost had a meltdown. I snapped at her with: “Don’t say things like that! Then she’s going to think she looks terrible with her hair down and that you don’t love her!!!!” That may have been hormone induced but still this is the level I’m on right now.
I remember my insecurities as a pre-teen. I was petrified of my boobs. I thought I was too fat and sometimes too skinny. There was one phase where I wore tracksuits everyday, like the windbreaker kind. I remember for Christmas my mom got me like 4 different tracksuits (God bless her). What if one of them wants to wear tracksuits like Sue Sylvester? Am I supposed to allow this? Worse, what if one of them wants to be super Goth and wears spikes around her neck? Do I just ignore it and hope it trails off? Do I take her to Hot Topic to pick out a matching pair? I feel like if I tell her “No”, then she will only buy bigger spikes. Or what if it’s much worse than that? What if my daughter dresses like a hussy? I know I won’t let her leave the house like that but I don’t want her to be ashamed of her body. This is too complicated
What’s really freaking me out is that they’re twins and they’re not identical. Aren’t there a whole slew of psychological problems that can go along with that? They are bound to look different- and all because I had them in the womb at the same time they will be compared to one another for the rest of their lives. How do I make it right while still dressing them in the same tiny outfits? Don’t dare tell me I can’t dress them in the same outfits! I’m going though a lot of pain right now in this pregnancy my only consolation is that those two babes get to wear matching tiny outfits – just not track suits.
Photo: Everything Sorella