I think that anyone who knows me would agree that I love my sister. I admire her for all she has endured in her life, more than any human being should ever have to. I consider her to have well above average intelligence, and her opinion carries great weight with me. Having said all that, let us now dispense with the bull. My sister did something recently that seems incomprehensible to me. Something so ridiculous, that this story practically writes itself.
It started early one morning. I was sitting in my car when the phone rang. It was my sister calling me to tell me that she was on her way to the emergency room. Generally, that piece of information would send a caring brother into a panic; send his mind racing, thinking of all the dreadful possibilities. Unfortunately, I have received so many of these phone calls over the years that I have become jaded in my reaction. So I calmly asked her, “what’s wrong”, thinking it was my nephew or my brother in law who was en route to the hospital. It was then that my sister said the following sentence to me. “I’ve glued my eye shut with nail glue”. Taking a moment to digest what I had just heard, my reply was simply “Why?” She told me that she had mistaken her eye drops for the nail glue, the bottles being the same size and shape. So what was my next question you ask? “Why on earth would you keep such bottles in close proximity?” to which she replied, “I knew which was which, and I would never make a mistake like this.” To which I replied, “Are you listening to yourself right now?”
After being referred to an ophthalmologist, by an incredulous ER staff doctor, she was most unhappy to find out that he couldn’t get her eye open. He tried to dissolve some of the glue, and also had to remove her eyelashes (I’m glad I didn’t see her until they grew back, sisters can be scary enough!). After a few days of warm compresses, and another trip back to the doctor, he was finally able to open her eye again. He reiterated to her how truly fortunate she was as to not suffer any permanent damage to her eye. He explained to her that if this had been gorilla-glue, she very well may have lost her eye. All things considered, she escaped unscathed. Well, except for the jokes.
My sister has four children, each of them different, each of them possessing a unique, strong sense of humor. You are probably reading this story published on the blog of my niece Kelly, a talented writer and comedienne. People who are funny and quick witted do not need ammunition of this sort. Let’s just say the jokes were rapid-fire, and relentless. Naturally the fact that she had no permanent damage had a great deal to do with that. I told her it’s probably a good deal to keep those bottles separate with an “EYE” to the future. I told my brother in law to always keep his “EYE” on her to avoid this from happening again. She had to briefly wear an eye patch for the few days she was incapacitated. (Insert your own generic pirate joke here). I asked her if she wanted a parrot for her birthday matey. This obviously could have been much worse. I am thrilled of course that she has fully recovered. Still yet, I find it hard to believe that this actually happened. What is the moral of this story you ask? For my sister, it is try not to do anything this stupid again as a member of our family. Perhaps more importantly, for everyone, NEVER juxtapose eyes drops and nail glue on your night stand!!!