A Birthday to Remember

The girls are slowly getting into a sleep schedule so I figured I’d take this rare moment of well-slept clarity to share what has become the best birthday/pregnancy story ever.

Last month I had to schedule a non stress test on my birthday. I asked Dan to take off of work to come with me since I couldn’t drive and we would have Ali. Thankfully, we were able to squeeze in a really nice birthday breakfast at a local restaurant before the appointment. We were enjoying some of our last days as a 3-person family when it all went downhill. When we were driving atop the Driscoll Bridge Ali started coughing. I turned to see if she was O.K.  And it happened; she released her most epic vomit to date across the backseat of the car. Dan immediately started screaming and rolled down all the windows. I could barely hear myself think with the freezing wind whipping me in the face. I kept trying to see if Ali was O.K. as she began to sneeze vomit out of her nose in all directions.

Dan screamed, “Should I pull over?” What? Why so we can ditch her on the side of the road? Think this through Dan. I kept my head in the game and told Dan to get off at the next exit . We’d stop at my parents’, I would hose her down and Dan would stay with Ali while I went on to the doctors by myself. Thankfully that was enough to get Dan to stop screaming and lower some of the windows.

I called my brother Casey and asked him to meet us outside with a towel. When we got there he was waiting on the lawn wondering what the hell was going on. Dan jumped out of the car and was prepared to dive into the backseat to get Ali out of the car. Unfortunately the vomit was caked all over her harness and Dan didn’t have the stomach to open her up. I held my breath and went in next. Just touching the vomit set off my gag reflex and I had to walk away. Casey was laughing at this point because we’re all about to throw up. Unfortunately I was 9 months pregnant with twins and the gagging combined with the sheer weight on my bladder set me off. I started peeing my pants. I was crying and laughing at the same time while standing on the lawn with my legs crossed yelling “it’s happening, it’s happening.” There I was on my birthday just peeing on the front lawn like on of the puppies.  Casey was dying laughing and Dan was too traumatized by the vomit to enjoy this rare moment.

When I finally stopped I was able to get Ali into the shower and cleaned off. I was still set to be on time for my doctor’s appointment so I grabbed a pair of sweats from my brother threw the car seat onto the driveway and took off. In the car I called my mother to tell her what had happened and she alerted me of the fact that I may not have peed but I may have broken my water. I explained to the doctor what happened and she told me I should go to Labor and Delivery to make sure the water didn’t break.

There I was, on my birthday at the hospital trying to figure out if I was in labor or I peed my pants. Let’s take a moment for me to explain exactly how I looked: I was dressed nice or my birthday but since I peed my pants I had to put on my brothers champion sweatpants. Since I was wearing Ugg boots I had to tuck the pants into the boots. Always a good look: Cute tank top (mid winter) sweats tucked into Uggs, and the scent of vomit with the hint of pee – I was a winner.

Finally after careful examination the doctor told me that my water did not break, I just peed my pants …on my birthday. Thankfully the nurse was on hand to tell me that she peed her pants on her 21st birthday so it really wasn’t a big deal. Part of me wished that I did go into labor, not so that I wasn’t embarrassed but because that would be the best labor story ever.