Call it Hormones

If you just saw a pregnant lady walking down the street crying like a baby, no her husband didn’t leave her, she just dropped off her 3 year old at school. That’s right my first baby is growing up, moving on, and spreading her wings: she’s going to preschool. Today was the day and it was terrible.

We were off to a bad start. I usually get home from work around 11pm but with the Giants game last I didn’t get in until after midnight. Then of course the alarm didn’t go off. Thankfully with the pregnancy I wake up to pee every 30 minutes so nature assured we didn’t over sleep too much.

My poor little Ali was sleeping like a baby when I got her up to go to school for the first day. She ate her breakfast then just before she was about to get dressed we had a talk about how much fun she was going to have. The teacher emailed us explaining that it would be best to mention to your child that you won’t be there. So in the morning while she was brushing her teeth we chatted about all the fun toys she was going to play with. Then I said: “And mommy will come pick you up.” She stopped and looked at me when it clicked: mommy wasn’t staying at school.

She didn’t scream, or get hysterical or throw a tantrum; it was much, much worse. Her tiny bottom lip began to quiver as she stuck it out from her precious face. She put her head down and just walked into her room in silence and sat in her chair staring at the floor. The tears welled in her eyes but not one drop fell. She just looked at me and said, “I don’t want to go to school.” I. Died. I held her and wanted to cry out: “I don’t want you to go to school, either!” But I kept it together and reminded her of all the cool toys we can play when we get there. Thankfully she was distracted by the fact that there are fun rubber snakes in the classroom.

When we got to the school all the parents were playing with their kids making sure they got acclimated. We put Ali’s stuff in her cubby and set out to play. After a few minutes I noticed Ali was playing fine and thought maybe it was time for me to leave. Then I noticed that none of the other parents had left yet so I didn’t want to be the first one to bolt; that would make me the worst (not a good label to have the first day of class). After a few minutes some brave parents started sneaking out so I gave Ali one - ok maybe three giant kisses and told her I’d be back very soon. She hugged me back but was more concerned with fixing the wall with her new toy hammer than her mother.

We went into the school holding hands as a pair and I walked out alone. It was so sad. I didn’t fully cry but I had my bottom lip out and walked with my head down and tears in my eyes. This wasn’t like daycare when I had to go to work. I was going home to do nothing, literally, nothing. I know the twins will be here soon enough and my hands will be full but I really don’t know what to do with myself. Maybe I’ll nap.