Thats the Last Time I Patron this Dollar Store

This one needs a hint of back story:
Lets begin with the fact that I like male gynecologists so much more than female. (yeah I just dove right into that subject) I mean I feel like the females are just “over it” and the males are just so much more excited about their work. Its like the difference between cats and dogs. 

Dogs Aren't Babies

I love dogs. This post is by no means a slight to the dog community. It’s more of a problem I have with the dog owner community. Having a dog is NOT the same as having kids. I love dogs. I grew up with two dogs that I love and cuddled, fed and cleaned up after. Dogs are part of the family but dogs are not children. Dogs don’t talk back and they don’t make scenes in restaurants.  If your dog has a cold you don’t have to take three days off of work to take care of it. If you want to go on a weekend getaway you can’t drop your kids off at a Kennel. You can drop them off at grandma’s but then you’ll get three phone calls a day asking “where is the diaper cream?” while you’re trying to relax on the beach. The only people who try to say their dog is their baby are people who don’t have babies.

Pappa - Papparazzi

            All of the hustle and bustle of the holidays has been murder on my daily schedule. But when my editor (I’m “press” now remember?) asked me to go cover a live red carpet fundraiser for St. Jude Children’s Hospital with some of the New York Giants I jumped at the chance. I have never covered a live event before but I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants so far I figured I would continue. The event was held at the Build a Bear workshop in New York. I knew there would be some reality stars there that the editor wanted me to attempt to get an interview with. He had really low expectations of me but little did he know how charmingly awkward I am.

My First Date ... Play Date

Last week I became a true Hobokian and participated in my very first play date! I grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey where I called across the street  to see if anyone wanted to play but apparently that’s too complicated for kids today. Now that I’m in Hoboken I need to assimilate into the culture and let’s face it Ali is a bit to young to wander the streets by herself looking for friends. So I met a mother at baby yoga who was very nice. I had seen her around town a few times and eventually when I saw her for the fourth time I had the guts to ask for her email address.  I don’t have any “mom friends” in town and I figured since she was one of the only moms I’ve actually spoken to she was an excellent candidate for my first friend.

Worry Wart

I once read an interview with Jullianne Moore where she said before she had children she was filled with insecurities. She would worry about her red hair or her freckles. Now that she has children she doesn’t have time to worry about those insecurities anymore. It’s a nice story except my worries seem to have gotten weirder with motherhood. Im not too worried about my freckles, especially when my daughter tries to take my mole off my face saying “dirty”. Before her that may have sent me crying into the other room but now I laugh.

How not to spend baby’s first Thanksgiving

I’m not easily embarrassed but that’s not to say that there aren’t a few moments I’m not too proud of. One of those happens to be Thanksgiving of 2009.

Definitely My First Time

When I’m not cleaning Oreos out of my couch or populating the blogosphere I write freelance articles for Buzzfocus.com, an entertainment website. I usually cover TV shows like Glee but I’ve been dying to submit a review on a feature film. Since I only work part time I’m pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to free movie tickets. Well it just so happens I was the only person on staff who was not only willing but also excited to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. That’s right last Wednesday I was invited to an advanced screening and it was an experience to say the least. 

Bella's Baby Shower


I'm not sure if you know this but next weekend The Twilight Sage: Breaking Dawn Part 1 hits theaters. I'm sure you're just as excited as I am. Fans are already talking about some of the most anticipated scenes such as Edward and Bella's wedding night. Still, with everything to look forward to I recall one event Bella did not get to experience: a baby shower. With the unexpected and hasty birth of half vampire baby Renesme none of the Cullens had a moment to stop and think about whether or not they were prepared to raise a child or if they even had the appropriate tools to do so. Like any young parent it is not easy to quickly process what being a parent means. Pile that on top of an abnormally high risk pregnancy and the lack of prep time and you are going to have some frazzled parents. I’m sure Alice, Esme and even sour puss Rosalee would have been able to slap together a baby shower of epic proportions. Unfortunately the crew had more pressing matters at hand, like how to keep mother and child alive. Thankfully fans can come together and celebrate a baby shower for Reneseme ourselves. Bella may not be the "Lets register at Babies 'R Us" type so I put together my own list. Here are some things one would need in preparation of your half vampire half human baby.

1. Stretch Mark Cream
Any mother will tell you the formula for stretch marks is high weight gain in a short period of time. Unfortunately for Bella her skin has even less time to work with. Becoming a vampire may save Bella's life but there is no guarantee that it can save her skin. Unless she plans on spending eternity with those nasty lines running all over her body she better bust out the cocoa butter and apply liberally. One brand I particularly like is Bella B Tummy Honey Butter.
5. Baby Carrier
One of Renesme's favorite activities is hunting with family and friends. Her mode of choice is piggy back ride. We are taking about super strong family members but sometimes it's nice to stop and think about the health of their necks and backs. A baby carrier would be the most ergonomic for all parties involved. One to consider is the Phil and Ted's model check it out:here If Jacob and Renesme end up running away together Jacob will thank you.




2. Teething
We all know the Twilight saga has consciously decided to omit fangs from the vampire's mouth. The lack of those cuspids is not going to make baby Renesme's  teething process any easier. Just be thankful that at her growth rate it will only last a few days rather than months like some weary parents must endure (stay strong!) It is important for her to have something she can safely bite down on that it is not someones flesh. May I recommend the Rasberry Teether. The  ridges of the fruit provide relief to those achy teeth better than a standard teether. Also do not forget the crib saver. You do not need chunks of our crib missing when your vampire baby tries to sooth her gums on the furniture.





3. Digestion
Although the gastronomy of a vampire baby is unknown it is safe to assume there will be spit up. With a diet of blood and raw meat the end product is bound to be graphic. The Cullens will need an arsenal of spit up cloths and cleaning products. One idea that is always a hit at a baby shower is the burp cloth cake. If the family is not going to eat cake anyway the burp cloths will be he perfect substitute and a beautiful centerpiece. Who wouldn’t love that? As for cleaning materials I would recommend Toddler Out. This solution has gotten rid of any bodily function you can think of. Thankfully I have never had the privilege of cleaning blood spit up but this product is what I would grab to give it a shot.







4. Safety
We all know Renesme is at the center of an epic battle between good and evil vampires but we must not forget that she is still a toddler, and they can be dangerous on their own. Even the laziest baby can find trouble faster than you can whip your head. Add super vampire speed to that equation and you're in for a world of trouble. With the rate at which Renesme grows it is important to turn the house into a safety zone as quickly as possible. We are taking gates, locks, safety knobs, outlet covers you name it. Thankfully as half vampire Renesme does not really have to worry about bleach poison or electrocution but you do not need her setting the house on fire or worse getting into daddy's epic CD collection.


What would your gift to the baby be?

The Real Trouble Begins

So far raising a two year old has been easy. Well, not easy but we haven't had any major problems. Unfortunately lately she's developed a strange way of dealing with a problem. The other day she was grabbing something she wasn't supposed to and when I told her "no" she tried to kiss me. This was the first time something like this happened so I thought "oh nice I get a kiss."  Then the other day she grabbed a box of Lucky Charms and when I told her to put it down she decided to ignore me and run around the house leaving a trail of rainbow deliciousness. I was enraged. I ran over to her looked her in the eye and screamed "YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME!" At this point she started trying to kiss me again. I was so mad I turned away but It took everything in my body not to laugh. Who does this? She's a diabolical genius. She knows the only thing I ever ask her for is kisses and she saves the for when she's in real trouble. SHE"S ONLY 2 AND A HALF! I didn't think they possessed these sort of problem solving skills. How am I supposed to discipline a girl who wants to make out every time she does something wrong? I'm so afraid she's going to grow into a young woman who wants to kiss any guy who yells at her. This could be the start of some deep seeded issues here.

Another problem is I'm not sure how to discipline her. I'm not saying my parents beat me but when I was younger and got out of line I could expect a nice whack on the bottom. I remember when my brother and I got a little older, around 4 or 5,  we asked my parents if they could no longer use that type of discipline and they agreed. Then once we were in public we acted up and my dad told us we were going to get a beating when we got home. My brother and I started crying and yelling "you said you weren't going to beat us anymore." Everyone was looking at us; it was hysterical and wrong. Maybe this is where Ali gets it from? I don't think I can administer a beating just yet so I decided an appropriate punishment was to make Ali clean up all the cereal. It took awhile and she thought it was a game. She ended up eating a solid amount of marshmallows but at least she wasn't tyring to kiss anyone.

Personal Torture

It's been a few weeks since my last post. It turns out apple juice may be good for people but not Macs. Who Knew? Of course my  $250.00 warranty doesn't cover toddler mishaps so I was S.O.L. Thankfully, my mother was kind enough to let me borrow her Sony. I'm not sure what's worse, being without a computer or having one that's so slow it takes 20 minutes to turn on then another 10 to open the Internet. I had almost forgotten what I wanted to write about by the time the computer came to. Even as I type it takes the screen a few seconds before it registers the letters. It's really testing my patience, but beggars can't be choosers.

A lot has happened since I last signed on. One notable experience was the preschool open house. Once every fall the "Hoboken Family Alliance" invites all of the schools in the city to one location where the parents can come and see what each school is all about. Its strange to think that I have to start thinking about my 2 year old's education but if everyone here is doing it I have to join in. The event took place inside the towns high school gym. The room was set up like a job fair and was packed with young children and their yuppy parents. The first school my cheap self checked out was the public school. We were pleasantly surprised to be speaking with the head of the program.(Either she's super involved or doesn't have anything better to do; I'm hoping i's the former) She explained that they should be receiving a grant that would enable all three year olds in town a spot. The program seemed great, it even included Spanish lessons. The only downfall is it would be a full-day, five day a week program. This would mean I would have to get a real job ...  I'm not sure I'm ready to go down that track just yet.

Dan and I next went over to see one of the Catholic schools. I wasn't sure how Dan would feel about a Catholic education since he is Jewish. Turns out I know more about Judaism than he does from my years in Catholic School so he was OK with it. The program was similar to the public school, the price was reasonable and the idea of her in a little school uniform is just the cutest thing I've ever heard of.

Things were looking up in terms of preschool when we headed over to the "Cooperative" school I had read about online. The idea is that the parents perform duties for the school in order to keep the tuition down. I went over to talk to one of the parent representatives and after she answered a few questions I asked "What's the admission process?" She explained there was a tour, an application and then there would be an observation. "Observation of what?" I asked. She said "Well they put al the kids together and see how they work." Is this lady serious? Are you basically telling me this is some sort of admissions test get into preschool? I said "What exactly are you looking for in this observation?" She started to get a little uncomfortable and said "Well they see if your kid is quiet or loud you know" Apparently I did not know because I think that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. This kids haven't started school yet, they don't know anything what are you going to test them on? The only thing I can think of is whether or not she can wipe her own ass. (Which you wouldn't have to observe you can just take my word for it.) This school has some nerve forcing me to work, charging me pretty high tuition and then judging my daughter.

My husband and I exchanged "yeah right" glances and started to look at some other schools. Eventually one of the public school reps told us the high school had a pool and we could take our daughter to go see it in the next room. Yes sir, I would love to take my two year old into a room with an Olympic sized swimming pool that doesn't have a fence around it. The public school lost some points on that one.

Although its still a year away we've made some progress on schools. There is a lot to consider but it doesn't look like we'll be going the "cooperative" route.