The girls are slowly getting into a sleep schedule so I
figured I’d take this rare moment of well-slept clarity to share what has
become the best birthday/pregnancy story ever.
Last month I had to schedule a non stress test on my birthday.
I asked Dan to take off of work to come with me since I couldn’t drive and we
would have Ali. Thankfully, we were able to squeeze in a really nice birthday
breakfast at a local restaurant before the appointment. We were enjoying some
of our last days as a 3-person family when it all went downhill. When we were
driving atop the Driscoll Bridge Ali started coughing. I turned to see if she
was O.K. And it happened; she released
her most epic vomit to date across the backseat of the car. Dan immediately started
screaming and rolled down all the windows. I could barely hear myself think
with the freezing wind whipping me in the face. I kept trying to see if Ali was
O.K. as she began to sneeze vomit out of her nose in all directions.
Dan screamed, “Should I pull over?” What? Why so we can
ditch her on the side of the road? Think this through Dan. I kept my head in
the game and told Dan to get off at the next exit . We’d stop at my parents’, I
would hose her down and Dan would stay with Ali while I went on to the doctors
by myself. Thankfully that was enough to get Dan to stop screaming and lower
some of the windows.
I called my brother Casey and asked him to meet us outside
with a towel. When we got there he was waiting on the lawn wondering what the
hell was going on. Dan jumped out of the car and was prepared to dive into the
backseat to get Ali out of the car. Unfortunately the vomit was caked all over
her harness and Dan didn’t have the stomach to open her up. I held my breath
and went in next. Just touching the vomit set off my gag reflex and I had to
walk away. Casey was laughing at this point because we’re all about to throw
up. Unfortunately I was 9 months pregnant with twins and the gagging combined
with the sheer weight on my bladder set me off. I started peeing my pants. I
was crying and laughing at the same time while standing on the lawn with my
legs crossed yelling “it’s happening, it’s happening.” There I was on my
birthday just peeing on the front lawn like on of the puppies. Casey was dying laughing and Dan was too
traumatized by the vomit to enjoy this rare moment.
When I finally stopped I was able to get Ali into the shower
and cleaned off. I was still set to be on time for my doctor’s appointment so I
grabbed a pair of sweats from my brother threw the car seat onto the driveway
and took off. In the car I called my mother to tell her what had happened and
she alerted me of the fact that I may not have peed but I may have broken my water. I explained to the doctor what happened and she told me I should go to
Labor and Delivery to make sure the water didn’t break.
There I was, on my birthday at the hospital trying to figure
out if I was in labor or I peed my pants. Let’s take a moment for me to explain
exactly how I looked: I was dressed nice or my birthday but since I peed my
pants I had to put on my brothers champion sweatpants. Since I was wearing Ugg
boots I had to tuck the pants into the boots. Always a good look: Cute tank top
(mid winter) sweats tucked into Uggs, and the scent of vomit with the hint of
pee – I was a winner.
Finally after careful examination the doctor told me that my
water did not break, I just peed my pants …on my birthday. Thankfully the nurse
was on hand to tell me that she peed her pants on her 21st birthday
so it really wasn’t a big deal. Part of me wished that I did go into labor, not
so that I wasn’t embarrassed but because that would be the best labor story
ever.
You are to much for words
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